The first time I found St. John alone after this communication, I felt
tempted to inquire if the event distressed him: but he seemed so little
to need sympathy, that, so far from venturing to offer him more, I
experienced some shame at the recollection of what I had already
hazarded. Besides, I was out of practice in talking to him: his reserve
was again frozen over, and my frankness was congealed beneath it. He had
not kept his promise of treating me like his sisters; he continually made
little chilling differences between us, which did not at all tend to the
development of cordiality: in short, now that I was acknowledged his
kinswoman, and lived under the same roof with him, I felt the distance
between us to be far greater than when he had known me only as the
village schoolmistress. When I remembered how far I had once been
admitted to his confidence, I could hardly comprehend his present
frigidity.
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Such being the case, I felt not a little surprised when he raised his
head suddenly from the desk over which he was stooping, and said--
"You see, Jane, the battle is fought and the victory won."
Startled at being thus addressed, I did not immediately reply: after a
moment's hesitation I answered--
"But are you sure you are not in the position of those conquerors whose
triumphs have cost them too dear? Would not such another ruin you?"
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