"Well--well. To the main point--the departure with me from England, the
co-operation with me in my future labours--you do not object. You have
already as good as put your hand to the plough: you are too consistent to
withdraw it. You have but one end to keep in view--how the work you have
undertaken can best be done. Simplify your complicated interests,
feelings, thoughts, wishes, aims; merge all considerations in one
purpose: that of fulfilling with effect--with power--the mission of your
great Master. To do so, you must have a coadjutor: not a brother--that
is a loose tie--but a husband. I, too, do not want a sister: a sister
might any day be taken from me. I want a wife: the sole helpmeet I can
influence efficiently in life, and retain absolutely till death."
|
I shuddered as he spoke: I felt his influence in my marrow--his hold on
my limbs.
"Seek one elsewhere than in me, St. John: seek one fitted to you."
"One fitted to my purpose, you mean--fitted to my vocation. Again I tell
you it is not the insignificant private individual--the mere man, with
the man's selfish senses--I wish to mate: it is the missionary."
"And I will give the missionary my energies--it is all he wants--but not
myself: that would be only adding the husk and shell to the kernel. For
them he has no use: I retain them."
|