"He is not my husband, nor ever will be. He does not love me: I do not
love him. He loves (as he can love, and that is not as you love) a
beautiful young lady called Rosamond. He wanted to marry me only because
he thought I should make a suitable missionary's wife, which she would
not have done. He is good and great, but severe; and, for me, cold as an
iceberg. He is not like you, sir: I am not happy at his side, nor near
him, nor with him. He has no indulgence for me--no fondness. He sees
nothing attractive in me; not even youth--only a few useful mental
points.--Then I must leave you, sir, to go to him?"
I shuddered involuntarily, and clung instinctively closer to my blind but
beloved master. He smiled.
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"What, Jane! Is this true? Is such really the state of matters between
you and Rivers?"
"Absolutely, sir! Oh, you need not be jealous! I wanted to tease you a
little to make you less sad: I thought anger would be better than grief.
But if you wish me to love you, could you but see how much I do love
you, you would be proud and content. All my heart is yours, sir: it
belongs to you; and with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest
of me from your presence for ever."
Again, as he kissed me, painful thoughts darkened his aspect.
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